Jeremy was distractible and his job didn’t help that predilection. The current exhibit at the Hammer Museum was aptly titled Boys Will Be Boys and focused entirely on the gender’s fixation with sex. Designed by the latest hot-young-thing Veronica Donnelly, the exhibit was a huge success among the California art crowd, although it offended the […]
Author Archives: Patrick Christman
Drowned Light
The paper placard was folded in half with blue and white flowers adorning the edges, printed from a hand drawn replica with a mix of print and cursive font Harold S. Beringder, Table Head. The 30-year-old man, tall and better looking than he was five years prior, took his seat after glancing the room, scuffing […]
Allergy Season
Alexis and Taylor inconspicuously left their Eugene, Oregon home on a crisp spring morning headed for the Willamette National Forest due just 25 miles east. The day had finally arrived, the call to action put forth and the boys were unambiguous in their commitment to the plan. In the hybrid car ride to their GPS […]
Useless Pioneer
Pioneer and early settler of America Isaac Stites was a fat nosed and not particularly attractive man. Isaac’s skin had an off-color that was attributed to his time voyaging to newfoundland. Although this did not manifest in any other health problems, it left an indelible black mark on his status in the community. His pallid […]
The Big One
There’s a resistance. Bottles defy the gravity that begs them to drop and shatter. Dirtballs on the stools use the alcohol in their guts to inhibit their descent to the stick beneath them. But even the earth’s sturdiest nadirs cave under the pressure of tectonic force. So, don’t fault the flies on the wall who […]
Red Bull and Vodka Beget Madness
Hank flattened his finger to the touchscreen, copied the address, switched apps and pasted it in. 1 hour, 35 minutes. He groaned, pressed play on the radio and drove on. Horns blared and voices droned on. The green farmland of New Jersey blurred beside him on the freeway. It was springtime and the trees were […]
Looting Obliterates Memory
According to most estimates, there have been more than 108 billion “modern” Homo sapiens who have lived and died on this marble. That’s a lot of bodies to have been burned, eaten, disintegrated or, best yet, buried. At least, that’s the logic Edward and Fenster followed. The two were famous- although not by name. A […]
A Private Affair
“Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.” -Jesus Christ, REVELATIONS, our holy lord, to his name, forge it, break it, burn it, oh holy holy holy holy holy… “Shit!” cried out Lily-Jane. […]
Coming Soon…
Check back when this column goes live and I spill all the tea.
GivenName
“Dog is just God backwards, don’t you know?” “That’s nonsense. Do you ever hear yourself when you speak? You sound as if your mind is the size of a walnut.” “That’s also true of dogs.” “Go to hell.” Like many people in the world, Hector Ringwald hated his name and the sound of other people’s […]